Bad Doggie
by cfp33pfc
Summary: It always seemed odd that 100 year old vampires could not outwit teenaged wolves. What do you do with a bad doggie? Not for Team Jacob. Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all! I make no money from this!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Initiation

Emmett McCarty Cullen was a simple man. Not in the sense of having learning difficulties, but in the sense that it did not take much to keep him happy and for his life to stay on an even keel. In general, Emmett liked: his wife Rosalie, wrestling with bears, videogames, his family, pranks, and his wife Rosalie (he really liked Rosalie!). So, spending an afternoon helping Rosalie work on a car was a pleasant way to pass some time. Of course, not many guys helped by holding the car up in the air, a Jeep this time, but what the heck. Being a vampire with super strength had to be good for something, right? Besides, Rosalie usually yelled at him if he just sat and stared at her, pausing occasionally to wipe off a little venom drool, but with the Jeep in the way he could look at her perfect denim covered legs to his heart's desire. That was pretty much how the afternoon had been spent so far, when he heard his brother Edward's car approaching. Even over the car sounds, he could hear a light heartbeat within the car, and knew that Edward was either bringing home a snack (right, as if!) or his trouble prone love, Bella Swan.

The car pulled into the garage and parked. Rosalie slid out from under the jeep with the habitual sneer on her face that she saved for Bella. Edward got out, ran around to the passenger side and help Bella out of the car. Both Emmett and Rosalie noticed that Edward was acting even more gingerly towards Bella than normal. Emmett made a smart remark about Bella falling down again after he saw she was cradling her hand and had a look of pain on her face. When Bella replied that she had punched a werewolf in the face, Emmett could not help bursting out in laughter. Even Rosalie chimed in, teasing him about his bet with Jasper over Bella's eventual "score" as a newborn. As Bella and Edward headed towards the house so Carlisle, their coven leader, father figure, and also a doctor could look at her hand, Emmett began to think about what Bella had said a little more deeply.

Turning to Rose (only family called her Rose!), Emmett said "You know, Bella is usually pretty mellow. I wonder what could have caused her to do something like that?" Rosalie wrinkled her brow in thought, then decided snarkiness was the way to go. "The wolf probably said something mean about Edward's hair, and Bella had a hissy fit." Emmett gave that some thought. "I don't think so." He raised his voice slightly, knowing Edward would hear him without Bella being aware. "Edward – what the heck happened?" He and Rosalie could hear Carlisle working on Bella's hand, so knew Edward had a moment to talk. His reply drifted down to them. "Jacob Black grabbed her and kissed her against her will –so she punched him." Emmett nodded his head to himself, and prepared to go back to being Rosalie's jack.

Rosalie slid out from under the car and stood up suddenly. The creeper she had been laying on shot across the garage and slammed into the far wall. Emmett was surprised and let go of the Jeep, which luckily had a nice off-road shocks package and could handle an 18 inch drop just fine. "Rose…?" Rosalie turned to him. There was no sneer on her face and her eyes were shining with anger. When she spoke, it was a low sibilant hiss as her emotions came out. "He forced himself on her! That son-of-a…" Emmett added helpfully "Wolf?", then realized belatedly that Rosalie was not in a joking mood when she turned her glare on him. As his wife's anger washed over him, Emmett began to reflect.

He knew about Rose's history, of course, and how she had been attacked and left for dead by her fiancée and his goonish friends. One of her greatest sources of pride was how she had tracked them all down and killed them, without taking any of their blood. In all of the family, only Rosalie had never tasted human blood. Ever since then, Rose had always had a soft spot for the abused and helpless, often quietly funding and assisting local shelters for battered women in the towns where they lived. Emmett knew of at least two times when men who had ignored restraining orders and terrorized a wife or girlfriend had been found after "falling down a flight of stairs" with a broken neck. His only regret was he was not allowed to accompany her, but realized that it was a hard decision for Rose to make and she did not feel she could let anyone share in it and relieve her of any of the responsibility for her actions.

This scenario was more complicated. For one, he did not think she would actually take drastic action over a stolen kiss, unacceptable as it was. For another, they had a treaty with the wolves and any significant action risked touching off a level of violence that Carlisle had made the treaty to avoid. Warily, Emmett asked "What are you thinking Rose? I don't see anything we can do here." Her face fell slightly as she replied "I know. It's just that he deserves some punishment. I'm sure Edward threatened him if it happens again, but he is still walking away scot-free. He is a bad dog and should be swatted somehow!"

A challenge! Emmett realized he left challenges off his list of things he liked! When you have all of eternity before you, finding a new challenge and working to meet it is a gift. He stood up and turned towards Rosalie, asking "What are the rules of that stupid treaty anyway? All I remember is stay off their land and don't bite anybody. Is there anything else?" Rosalie's brow creased in thought. "Hmmmm, you know, I can't think of anything else to tell the truth. Let's ask Carlisle, he'll know." Nodding, he took her hand, and the two walked into the house to find some answers.


	2. Chapter 2

Carlisle Cullen was many things. He was a vampire. He was a husband. He was (in every way but biologically) a father. He was over 350 years old. He was forever locked in a 23 year old body. The direct result of this last aspect of his life was that he was often very, very, horny. By lucky coincidence, his wife was locked in a 26 year old body, right at the beginning of a woman's period of peak sexual desire. The net result was a marriage that was extremely energetic, happy, and compatible. As he sat that afternoon in his study, allegedly studying medical journals for some new way to put together fragile humans, he was actually considering how best to get a large quantity of quality time very soon with his wife, without disillusioning his kids of their thoughts of his mature and staid existence.

Sadly, his pleasant plans and daydreams were derailed when Edward brought Bella to him with her latest injury. After examining it carefully, and diagnosing a mild break in one knuckle, he treated her and then began the process of sending them away and restarting his Esme plans. Upon successfully moving them towards the door to return to Bella's house, he shifted happily in his seat and began to re-think time, places, positions, and so on. He was deeply immersed quickly, and he was actually surprised when there was a knock at his study's door, followed by Emmett and Rosalie entering.

"Carlisle, we need to pick your brain for a minute," Emmett said. Rosalie stood there, with a glower on her face that almost achieved the impossible and reduced her to a normal level of beauty. "What's wrong, Emmett, Rosalie? How can I help?" Carlisle asked. Emmett glanced carefully at Rose, and then continued his questioning. "We are pretty unhappy with that fleabag wolf. Bella should not be man or wolf handled like that, and we wanted to know more about the treaty with the Quileutes and what we can do to get a little payback." Emmett explained. Rose added "I'm not Bella's biggest fan, but still, I can't just let this go. A kiss this time, what happens next? If she insists on running off to their Reservation, it seems like there is no way to protect her."

Carlisle sat back, thoughts of Esme and happy times gone, to consider the surprising question. "The treaty is really pretty simple – don't go on their land, don't bite anyone, don't tell anyone about them, and in return they will not attack us or tell anyone about us." Emmett had a quizzical look on his face. "Why did you make the treaty in the first place? I was still pretty close to being a newborn at the time, and it was hard for me to concentrate on anything but blood and Rose very well. If you were that worried about them, or were afraid they would kill us, why didn't we just leave?" Emmett expected an answer, but did not expect Carlisle to start laughing at him and shaking his head in denial.

"Emmett, Emmett, Emmett. I was not and am not afraid of the wolves. Sure, five or six at once could probably kill one of us, but they would have to be very quick and take us by surprise to have much success". Emmett and Rose gaped at hearing that. Rose sat down and said "but, but, Bella told us how they killed Laurent. It sounded like he didn't have a chance." Carlisle nodded at this and cleared the laughter from his face. "You're right, they did kill him. But, think about what I said. Bella told us there were about five of the wolves. Laurent had no idea what they were. He doubtless thought he could outrun them, and did not believe he was in any real danger. I'm sure he did not take them seriously until it was too late. He was arrogant. Besides, after talking to him when we originally met, my opinion was that he was not the sharpest tool in the shed. Anyone who would traipse around with James that long thinking that a psychopath like James cared for him was obviously not too bright."

Rose and Emmett looked at each other, looked at Carlisle, and then looked at each other again. Finally, Emmett turned to Carlisle. "So….. Why the treaty? You have to admit it is kind of a pain in the ass, plus any time we see one of the wolves in town or on the road they give us the stink-eye." Carlisle grimaced slightly, and then sighed. "I did not want to have to kill them, and still would prefer not to. The Quileutes are a small tribe, but they have friends, both red and white, in the area. If we killed off the wolves but left the tribe, word would get out one way or another. The Volturi would possibly get involved. All in all, a modest deception and giving way on some unimportant requests that were really no inconvenience to us seemed much easier. This is a great place for us to live, given the weather, and I wanted then and still want now to live here. But let's be clear. I am not afraid of the wolves and am not worried about a 'war' with them".

"Huh! So, if we were to take some minor actions to punish Jacob for what he did to Bella, you would be cool with that, as long as we don't break the treaty?" Emmett asked. "Well, it might be best if I did not know about these things, so if there was a meeting with their Elders I could honestly disavow any knowledge of them," Carlisle answered. "I would not want anything permanent to be done for this level of infraction, either." Rosalie immediately bristled and stood up. "This level of infraction! He assaulted her!" Carlisle immediately replied "Rose, I am not justifying what he did. But it was one kiss, even if it was without permission. I know you feel strongly about this type of thing, but we need to keep some perspective as well."

Emmett immediately began to back out of Carlisle's study, pulling Rosalie gently along with him. The last thing he wanted to be right now was in the middle of the two of them if the argument continued. Gently guiding Rose down the hall, he put his arm around her and whispered in her ear. "I promise the fleabag will get what he deserves, but let's not take it out on Carlisle, please Rose? From what I heard him say, it seems like the correct response will be at the prank level rather than nuclear armageddon. And, who loves you to pieces and is the undisputed household master of pranks?" Rose shook off Emmett's arm and turned to glare at him. His huge smirk and puppy dog eyes combination immediately disarmed her. As she thought about what Carlisle and Emmett had said, her glare eased and a seductive grin began to cross her face. She stepped in close to Emmett (reducing his I.Q. 27.5% immediately) and ran a finger gently down the side of his face and then down his chest. Stopping just above his belt buckle, she made small gentle circles around his navel. She leaned in further and put her lips to his ear. "You know, Emmett, if something was done to make this right, I would be very grateful, and very appreciative…." That said, she began to walk away from him down the hall. If her hips had a little more motion than average as she walked, well, sometimes that just happens, right?

Emmett stood and watched his true love walk away. At that moment, he would with 100% honesty say that he was definitely a butt man. At other times he could equally say he was a boob guy, hair lover, leg lad, left little toe aficionado, or just about any other part of Rosalie that he was focused on. As she got further away, he rebooted, and his original focus began to return. "Black, Wolf, Bad, Hurt Bella, Punish, Prank. Prank!" Emmett got what could only be called a diabolical grin on his face and started downstairs for some serious thinking and planning. Miles away, a certain wolf felt an odd shiver run up and down his spine.


	3. Chapter 3

The wolves of the Quileute tribe thundered through the forest of their ancestral lands. The pack ran every day, in shifts, to ensure the safety of their people and the sanctity of their borders. At least once a day, the pack ran together, so they could bond and use the mind sharing telepathy that was part of their heritage. This was the daily run now, and it was led as always by Sam, the alpha of the pack. He was an impressive sight, a coal black wolf the size of a small horse, six feet tall at the shoulder. His serious approach to life and his responsibilities helped to shape the entire pack. Running quickly but alertly, the wolves watched, listened, and scented for enemies and threats, concentrating, focused, intense…

"Who let the dogs out – Who, Who!"

Except for one. Jacob Black. The joker, the boy who insisted everyone needed to lighten up. Jacob had at one time or another angered everyone in the pack. If tradition and tribal law did not protect him, it was a sure thing that at some time the whole group would have pounded him into the ground. This desire was of course complicated by the fact that he was the biggest of the wolves and one of the fastest as well. Not everyone knew that he was the rightful alpha, but those that did were extremely grateful that he had run away from the responsibility as soon as he knew of it. Now, the sounds of his bellowing out what he considered their theme song was ringing in their heads.

Several of the wolves remembered the most obnoxious "pranks" Jacob had played on them. Leah, the only female wolf, snarled to herself. Jacob had discovered that wolves were significantly heavier in the front than the back, as their chests and forelegs developed to carry their heads and shoulders much more than their hindquarters. From this, he realized that if she was squatting to pee, her weight was barely centered. He had snuck up on her, and poked her right in the chest, hard, with his snout, overbalancing her and forcing her to sit down right where she had just peed. She chased him for twenty miles after that and was infuriated that she could not catch him, and even more angered by the fact he was laughing the whole time. She only stopped when Sam gave her an alpha order to stop and return.

His two best friends, Quil and Embry, found themselves caught in the middle a lot. In general, if the jokes were not on them, they found them to be very funny. The three would often hang out in their human forms and relive the various tricks and pranks, laughing their heads off. However, they were caught at times as well, which oddly enough, did not seem as funny. The two of them usually ran right behind Jake and he would take advantage of that. Since as wolves they could eat almost anything without getting sick, Jake had another bright idea. He returned to a partially eaten, two day old deer carcass and stuffed himself full. That evening, as the two of them followed Jake on patrol, their extremely sensitive noses were graced with the delectable odor of rotting deer meat farts, for hours. And hours. And hours. After their run, the two of them tried everything they could to get the smell off, from swimming in the frigid ocean, rubbing tomato juice over their entire bodies, and lathering themselves with vapo-rub. To add insult to injury, they had to sleep outside that night, as their families would not let them in their homes until the smell from "that skunk from hell" was gone.

The long suffering pack did their best to ignore Jake's song, assuming that he would eventually give up if no one reacted. As he ran, Sam considered an odd call he had taken earlier in the day. One of the talents that came as alpha was the ability to keep secrets. He could segregate things that were "alpha priority" so the others did not hear them. This was a critical necessity for a leader, as he had to meet, talk, and negotiate about topics before they were ready to be shared. Now he was very grateful for the ability. His girlfriend, Emily, had answered the kitchen phone that morning. With a puzzled look on her face, she handed it to him and said "It's for you, it's Carlisle Cullen." Sam was surprised – he knew that Carlisle was the leader of the "Cold Ones", but did not know him personally, and could not think of any reason for the call.

"Good morning, Sam." Carlisle started. "I hope you don't mind me calling you so early, but we have a problem that I wanted to discuss with you." Sam thought carefully, then replied "The time is fine, and what did Jacob do?" Carlisle sighed. "You know your pack very well. As you know, my son Edward and Bella have a very close relationship. In our eyes, they are mates, and Bella is considered part of our family. All of that notwithstanding, she has worked very hard to keep her friendship with Jacob, even at the risk of fighting over it with Edward." Sam nodded unconsciously as he spoke into the phone. "Yes, we've heard of the so-called jailbreaks, and were pleased that Edward had seemingly backed off the control when Bella came to the bonfire." "Yes, I was pleased as well, seeing that as a sign of a new maturity in their relationship. Unfortunately though, Jacob crossed a line and I have a very upset group here. Yesterday, when Bella was visiting, Jacob told her he loved her. This in itself is not bad, that is his choice, but his follow up was unfortunate. He grabbed Bella and kissed her against her will, not letting her go when she tried to struggle. When he did let go, she punched him, and broke a knuckle on her hand."

Sam inhaled sharply. He knew how protective wolves were about their imprints. "Can I assume that Cold Ones are very protective of their mates?" he asked. "Yes, very much so", he heard. He looked up and saw Emily staring at him with narrowed eyes. Remembering his side of the conversation, he quickly realized that he would have a difficult explanation ahead of him when he hung up. "Carlisle, I appreciate you letting me know, but I suspect that you are looking for more than an acknowledgement from me." Carlisle's response came quickly. "I think that there needs to be some kind of punishment, and I am afraid that things could escalate and quickly get out of hand. I wanted to discuss this with you, and see if we could agree to any ground rules to head off any larger problem." Sam winced. He remembered how the lone vampire they had caught in the woods had almost outrun them, and when cornered had done the pack some damage. Embry had taken off one the vamp's arms before the vamp realized the wolves could actually hurt him, but he still fought viciously before going down. Several of the wolves had deep cuts, hard sprains, and broken bones afterward. Although they healed quickly, the pain was real. He did not want to think what seven vampires, uninjured and knowing about the wolves, could do to his pack. Plus, Jacob had done wrong, and was in general a jerk. Maybe something like this would help him grow up. "What did you have in mind, Carlisle?"


End file.
